Somewhat Malcontent

I knew Snay was smarter than me, this just confirms it.

You Are 80% Tortured Genius

You are smart. Brilliant in fact. And while it’s a blessing, it’s also a curse. Your head is filled with everything – grand ideas, insufferable worries, and a good deal of angst.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

This is the closest I’ve ever come to being tagged.  A miniscule reference because my dog has the same name as the original poster.  Eh, that’s good enough reason for me.

Questions from Tug by way of Poppy:

Have you ever had an argument with a teacher?
Yes.  More than one.  During class, after class and on the phone at home.  I also told off a college advisor my freshman year at the University of Minnesota.

Can you count in Roman numerals?
I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X?

Are you bilingual?
That depends on if you’re only counting spoken languages.

Do you know how your car’s engine works?
Despite the fact that I haven’t had an oil change in a year…

Can you program the time on a VCR?
Only with the remote.

How many email addresses do you have?
8.  I think.  Maybe more.

Do you own a slinky?
No.

Do you talk to yourself?
Yes.  Mostly when I’m driving.

Do you have a tough time remembering people’s names?
I have a notepad on my desk at work.  When I answer my phone the first thing I do is write down the person’s name that I’m speaking with.  And, yes, by the end of the conversation I have to reference that note.

Did you go stag to your Senior Prom?
Prom?  What’s that?

Is any leftover food currently residing in your refrigerator?
There are remnants of a roast I made in September of last year still sitting sealed in a dark corner in the back of my fridge.  I kept meaning to throw it out but eventually I came to fear it.

Are you high maintenance?
No.

How do you want to be proposed to?
I don’t.  I’m done with marriage.  Seriously.

Do you work out regularly?
I just ate a bowl of pineapple hash and Nilla wafers.  It’ll work it’s way out later.

Do you care about your appearance?
No.  But other people seem to, so I try to shower at least once a week.

Describe the person of your dreams:
Independently wealthy, low self-esteem, terminally ill.

Do you like to be tan?
I love to be tan, but I love to not have skin cancer more.

If you had your choice of anyone in the world to spend a night with, who would it be?
The Dalai Lama.

How many keys are on your key ring?
6.  4 work keys, my car key and my house key.  I actually had to get up and go look for this one.

How much money is in your wallet/purse right at this moment?
I believe there’s $3 in cash in there.

What is your favorite spice or seasoning?
Basil

What does your name mean?
Bitter >:}

Do you give your pets holiday presents?
No.  But I’m constantly buying Scooby Snacks and Milk Bones and chew toys and tuna and spoiling them rotten on a daily basis.

When doing up your jeans, do you button then zip? Or zip then button?
Button then zip.

How far would you go on the first date?
The check.

Do you sleep on your side? Stomach? Back?
Side.

Have you attended a high school reunion yet?
Absolutely not.  I hated high school when I was there and I’ve no intention of reliving even a millisecond of it.

Are you ticklish? Where?
Yes.  Pretty much everywhere.

Would you rather change your past or know your future?
Neither.

Do you believe in saving yourself for marriage?
Yes.  I’m still a virgin.

Would you pick up a hitchhiker?
No. Never.  However I was once an unwilling passenger in a car that was picking up a hitchhiker?  Some of my friends are morons.

Would you consider yourself a worrier?
Yes.

Do you notice when your crush/significant other changes something about themselves?
Yes.

Do your first impressions of people usually stick?
No.  Sometimes.  I’m kind of stubborn.

What movie(s) can you watch over and over?
Fight Club, The Mexican, About a Boy, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Notting Hill, Snatch, Groundhog Day, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Truman Show, LOTR, Star Wars, Elf, Napolean Dynamite…and many many more.

Do you like to cook?
Yes.

Do plants die in your care?
Yes.

What’s one thing you feel you must do in your life before it ends?
Rid myself of all material possessions and attachments.

“What’s the purple monster’s name on Fosters?”

“Eduardo”

“Eggwerlo?”

“Ed-wahr-do”

“Igwero?”

“ED-WAHR-DO”

“Edwiro?”

“ED. WAHR. DO“

“Edwordo?”

“Yes, Edwordo.  His name is Edwordo.”

“What’s that thing he says?”

“El Stupido.”

Well, maybe just by Title, then.  I’m lazy, remember?  Remember when I said that I have unfinished and unpublished drafts crowding my editor?  FYE, I offer:

Titles of Recently Unfinished and Soon to be Deleted Drafts

1. Dear Midnight Skater…
2. Confessions
3. Animal Proof
4. Phase I
5. Skinny McFlapperson
6. Death by Anticipation
7. Sonic Fynn
8. Wildly Unpopular

Okay, so maybe that was not as entertaining as I’d hoped.  I have no life.

Today Elvis got the empty plastic frozen broccoli bag from my lunch (which I thoughtlessly left sitting on the kitchen counter) stuck on his head. It wasn’t until he came stumbling blindly into the living room on the verge of passing out with Shelby sharp on his heels that I noticed. If I hadn’t been in such a hurry to keep him from suffocating, I’d have taken a picture. He’d have been a hit on the Gong Show. Then he spent all afternoon slapping Shelby across the face every time she tried to climb on the couch we were sitting on. Well, I was sitting and he was territorially sprawled out on the cushion next to me. Now he’s laying across my chest while I type, which is where he settled after rubbing suggestively up against my screen and trying to bite it. He’s purring so loud that I can’t think. If I didn’t know better I’d say that he found a way into my high cupboard and helped himself to some catnip today.

And now for the unrelated tangent. I’m taking Fynn to see The Last Mimzy tomorrow. Also, I’m going to stop at the craft store in search of some bamboo rings to make handles for the bag I’m crocheting (which is nearly done, yay!). Can I really afford either thing? No. But Fynn got another stunning report card and that definitely earns a matinee. What did I do to earn bamboo rings? I made a bag, that’s what.

*rrring…rrring…rrring*

“Thanks for calling downtown Burger King. How may I help you?”

“Yeah, I came through your drive-thru like 25 minutes ago. I ordered a chicken club with no mayo. My sandwich is covered in mayo.”

“Sorry about that. If you bring the sandwich back in we’ll get you the right one.”

“We’re not coming back out tonight. It’s late and my daughter’s on her way to bed. I just stopped after work. Can I get some kind of due bill or something?”

“No problem, just bring your reciept in and we’ll get you a new sandwich.”

“I don’t have a receipt.”

“Then you’ll have to bring the food in. We need some kind of proof of purchase, we can’t go handing food out to anyone that calls and claims they got the wrong order.”

“Fine. I’ll just keep the mayonnaise covered sandwich that I’m not going to eat shut up in my car which is parked in the hot sun all day and when I get a chance to stop in sometime next week I’ll turn it in for the sandwich that I ordered.”

*pause*

“Um…you don’t have to bring in the sandwich, I’ll just take down your name.”

Yeah, that’s what I thought.  Dildo.

So, I’ve decided NOT to go ahead with the vet treatment, even though her follow-up appointment is not for another 3 weeks.  I’m going to request an antigen test at her next appointment, which will check for the presence of adult heartworms.  The blood-smear they did at her last appointment only tests for the presence of microfilaria in her bloodstream, which she technically could’ve inherited from her mother if her mother was heartworm positive.  If the antigen test comes back positive then I’m going to pursue an herbal detox which is much slower and safer than the chemical treatment and should cure her of heartworms over a period of 6 months.  If the antigen test comes back negative then I’m going to ask the vet to administer an anti-inflammatory medicine and start her on Heartgard which will eliminate the microfilaria in her bloodstream and keep any new larvae from developing into adult worms.

I’m not a vet, but I do know how to read and I do think that some of the vet clinics that are owned by large companies push expensive treatments unnecessarily.  And I really didn’t like the vet that I took her to, either.  She gave off an untrustworthy vibe.

Thanks to Wendy (who does not blog but comments here often) for emailing me this link:

http://smithmag.net/2007/03/18/geek-shirts-a-sxswi-photo-essay/

My favorite is “Talk Nerdy to Me”.

Google Reader tricked me.  It’s all because ‘P’ and ‘S’ are so close together in the alphabet.  It’s also because the title of the post was “Is Owen Worthy Of His Reputation?”.  As I clicked on the chevron to expand the post I wondered, “What reputation?  What reputation does Owen have other than being a really really ridiculously cute toddler?”  and then I saw a picture of Owen Wilson and I further wondered, “Why is MB posting pictures of Owen Wilson?”.  And then I realized I was reading PopSugar and not SupaFine! and suddenly, it all made sense.

It’s scary how smart I am sometimes.

Some people have the urge to clean stuff all the time.  I have the urge to throw things out.  Seriously, I don’t know why I keep buying material items because eventually they’re going  to end up at the dump.  Like right now, I’m sitting here pondering the stack of dishes sitting in my kitchen.  Or should I say consuming my counter from one end to the other.  Most people would be out there lathering, scrubbing and rinsing.  But not me.  Instead I’m wondering if I can fit my garbage tote through the kitchen door so that I don’t have to make multiple trips outside to the trash.  I’m also thinking that it would be totally dawesome if I only had 1 plate, 1 bowl, 1 knife, 1 spoon, 1 fork, 1 mug and 1 nice cloth napkin (with Fynn having an identical set).  Then, my kitchen would ALWAYS be clean.  I could clean my dishes and she could clean hers and this kind of thing wouldn’t happen.  Some people call me a minimalist.  But really I’m just lazy.